ONE MAN'S OPINION (A 2ND HAND NOTE FROM MIKE BARR)
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From: Barbara C.
Date: Monday, October 6, 2008, 7:01 AM
Subject: One Man's Opinion (a 2nd hand note from Mike Barr)
Reply to: 264957
ID: 265027

--- On Mon, Oct 6, 2008, Michael Barr wrote ---

Barb,

I don't know how I get myself into things! I still may have to join the witness protection program before this is over!

So far no one has sent any "mean mail." I have received a lot of notes from women saying "thanks guy!" "Right on!". And two that questioned my naming the other groups, but did not really disagree with what I'd said. Most say they are "very disappointed" in the behaviors of the remaining "leaders" and several say they no longer trust lightpages or the current leaders to tell them the truth. Most are shocked and offended by having their emails monitored and censored.

One very upset note came in this morning commenting on Ann Smith's response. It says "Now Ann is taking over a 3rd forum, still trying to dominate the conversation and block the real story from coming out....They are manipulating this group with false information about "peace activities" that do not exist. What should we do about this??"

I have no suggestion about "what to do" beyond my last email, except hold the "leaders" accountable (even if they resist) or find/form a group you can trust, then go there and walk your talk with each other. SophiaWWC has some deep issues it is trying to sweep under the rug. I don't think that will fly, at least not with the women who wrote to me.

Good luck!!!

Michael

--- On Fri, Oct 3, 2008, in Michael Barr wrote ---

Dear SophiaWWC Women

My name is Michael. I am the father of two beautiful daughters and most of my associates are great ladies who are very active in non-profits and women's groups. Through all of them I have a front row seat to the "women's movement."

I do organizational planning with businesses, NGO's and women's programs. I joined this list a few weeks ago when three of your members (who made me swear not to name them) started forwarding these emails. I've been following the situation and remarking how common this kind of thing really is. The "sisters" keep challenging me to tell the group what I've been saying to them, so I finally gave in. I apologize for invading your turf -- especially after the deal with Bruce. I promise not to become a commentator after this, or be pest. Just remember, WOMEN asked me to post this.

First, I want it on the record I think women are awesome -- I'm surrounded by them every day! I'm always amazed at the great things women do. I am also amazed at the destructive things women do, mainly to other women. Women sabotaging women brings everyone of you down, and gets in the way of the good you're trying to accomplish.

I've watched these power-play situations in groups for years at the mgmt levels. The Baptist Women's group had division after division, before and after their prayer meetings! WOVA had an inside take-over that split the group and ran with the power. Gather-the-Women had ego issues and breakdowns from day one. The Women for Peace groups still argue and fight behind the scenes. Now the Sophia Conference has gone the same way. As long as women keep doing this to each other, the good you do is dwarfed and tarnished.

I hear a lot about patriarchy and all of that is true. But from my experience, many women act the same way men do (and worse) when they get into power. They reward friends with jobs and favors, get rid of rivals and destroy their reputations, make a different set of rules for themselves, and every other negative behavior we know happens "at the top." I've seen it a dozen times.

The Sophia group seems to be no exception. I don't know any of the "five co-founders". But I do know I watched one group of leaders form a voting block against another group of leaders, post a surprise announcement against them, and seize control of this project. When people began asking questions they shut the bulleting board down. Now they monitor your group and decide who gets heard and who doesn't. That is NOT a program thing, that is a POWER thing. Sorry Ladies, but this is not how ANYONE should be running a conference, a business, a non-profit-group, or anything else. and Not how decent women (or men) should treat each other. You are being your own worst enemies.

A lot of women are very upset by this (because I'm hearing it almost every day). As a professional consultant, I would recommend the 2010 group hires a team of neutral advisors and lawyers immediately to talk this through and help get this thing back on track. Then structure it in a way that is above board, and fair to everybody, and install a system that keeps things in check.

Otherwise, users, opportunists and well-meaning men like Bruce and me will be happy to step in and take control, and collect any money that comes through the doors. That's often happens when women divide.

I know this will probably make some women angry (including my three friends who pushed me to do this.) Before you tar and feather me check if anything I've said sounds true. If not delete it and forget it. Like I said this is just one guy's opinion.

I only described one side of women's "power behaviors", because I was trying to make a point (and because I was asked to share this.) I can also talk pages about the wonderful virtues of women and girls, and happy to do that another time. The reason I made these points is because I KNOW women can treat each other much better than this, and I believe it hurts the whole world when you don't. I'm sure you are all women who mean well. I hope you find a way to work this out together, and do better this time so your message can be true.

Michael B.