CHANGING THE STORY
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From: Lauren O.
Date: Thursday, October 23, 2008, 9:00 AM
Subject: Changing the Story
Reply to: 265403
ID: 265437

Dear Sharon, Sandra, Leslie, Kathie, Ann, Tanya and all awake ones,

I am writing from Boulder, where I am participating in exciting workshops with Jean Houston and Don Beck.  As you
wisely suggest, Sharon, we are engaged in bringing awareness of our history to our visions of the possible human and
the possible global village that will allow for recognition of differences AND bring the shift to inclusion,
transparency, transcendence and anticipation of the future we need to steward into being, to heal our precious Earth
and work together in new ways.   Here too I meet many women ready to co-create this shift.  Until recently I would
be a vocal ambassador for Sophia 2010, to draw in these people of talent and passion and awareness.  Now I say nothing.

Sharon, your comment on the problem of not dealing with conflict and sweeping it under the rug has been the story of
Sophia Women's World Conference too many times.  I read the recent emails -- this week and last, and since end of
August -- as a refusal to accept or sweep under the rug an arbitrary decision by 3 founders to dismiss, or execute,
2 founders, with  no dialogue, no trial, no jury, just an executive act. 

I have written before -- and either my contribution was censored, or I pulled it back as the moment changed and
readiness of the 3 to do any hearing of this community voice for inclusion and resolution seemed ever farther from
possibility.  Now I write to say I deeply honor all of you and your many calls for understanding the challenges we
face here -- not unique to Sophia, but central to our ability to work together to solve the world's problems --
which are, of course, our own problems.

I joined the founding leadership of Sophia because I want to do this work.  Kimberly and I want to do the work we
came here to do.  We want, today, to focus on what is constructive here.  We hold to our original vision, of a
win-win.  Every woman who has thrown her hat into the ring for Sophia has a valuable contribution to make.   A
win-win will restore everyone to her rightful work, and allow her to work with those who share passion for that work.  

With regard to the Founding Five, working together too closely is not a good plan.  We cannot go home again.   But
we don't need to make someone a dragon.  

Several of you have offered ideas and energy to help find a way to step forward and reconstitute a working plan. 
The conditions need to be right.  The recognition of the unique talents of each member of the team to make this
conference successful and to honor the deep truths of Sophia are needed.  Such recognition has been elusive.  Not
only have the problems been swept under the rug.  But so to the strengths and the needs of each woman have not been
clearly articulated and owned.   When we are unable to ask for 100% of what each wants, hear one another, and then
negotiate what works, we are not able to bring our full selves to the table, to Sophia.  This is a sore loss indeed.
  When we cannot speak our needs and wants, then manipulative ways of getting them met will be used. 

The organization of the future requires distributed leadership, shared leadership -- as described in the popular
book The Spider and the Starfish.   We have much too much to do to run it all through one leader.    Co-creation
honors and frees the unique genius of each person.

Well, I am singing to the choir.  Yet I do want to join my voice to the passionate, wise, loving, and inspired
voices I hear in this dialogue.   We are voices for a shift much larger than ourselves.  I join with you in the
search for an authentic way to move forward, that honors and restores the reputations of all.  A way to act
together, not from fear or from ego, but for a future that acknowledges we women hold up half the sky, and have new
ways to join all the voices in a common song.  We are the leaders Desmond Tutu recognizes when he says, "Women will
change the world".   We have much to do, and as Kathie says, let's get on with it.

A salute and thanks to you all,
Lauren J. Oliver
 




--- On Tue, Oct 21, 2008, in msg265403, 
Sharon Mijares wrote ---

Dear Sandra and Leslie:

I realized I was running the risk of being one who chose the bad wolf, but I didn't spend most of my life 
learning psychology for naught.  I'm a licensed psychologist who has also taught psychology courses for 
therapists to be.. 

When working with families, psychotherapists recognize various styles of dealing with or not dealing with 
conflict.  Interestingly, not dealing with conflict can cause as much, or possibly even more, problems for 
the children in the type of family that wishes to look good to others and sweeps all problems under the 
carpet.   And, there are these "dark" ways to keep everyone convinced this is the way it should be.  

When human beings fail to deal with issues, feelings, beliefs, behaviors, etc., the repressed energy 
begins to take negative forms.  This is a fact!  Anger seeps out in hidden ways, or targets the innocent, 
projections occur... Many holistic theorists and practitioners would support the belief that unresolved 
feelings and beliefs are also a core factor in any illness (cancer, etc.).

So  insisting on healthy dialogue is a must...  (even if it means being labeled in a negative light--it is 
important to articulate our truth and our caring).

Warmly,
Sharon

--- On Tue, Oct 21, 2008, in msg265395, 
Sandra Beck wrote ---

Dear Sharon,

Thanks for these comments. I didn't see the movie of Sieriana, but I do understand the similarities.

Based on the emails I've seen offline, women in all three forums have gone silent, not because they 
suddenly support this kind of political process (most don't), and not because they don't care about 
SophiaWWC anymore (most do), but, because they're concerned and disappointed we still DON'T see 
anything changing or opening up here, even after weeks of steady and heartfelt input from MANY very 
wise women and advisors. 

They've also gone silent because they're tired of being monitored, muzzled and labeled as "bad" for 
trying to continue a conversation about healing, new ideas and better ways. I've never seen a process 
that openly invited people to participate then abruptly shut them down, then used shame tactics if they 
didn't "go along." Many women watching are NOT "going along." They are going away. 

Most women do not wish to be part of any Sieriana-type group that conspires to "kill one of it's own 
brothers or sisters", literally or figuratively, in order to have it's own way. Nor do we want to be a group 
that huddles around a small power circle, and doesn't notice or care that our sisters are gone. I 
DO care that my sisters are gone. I DO notice that more are leaving, and others are being discredited 
for the act of speaking up. I DO care that we learn from this, and move to a place where EVERY Sister 
is welcome (without exception) and NO ONE has to be blamed, shamed or labeled as "bad." 

I think about leaving this group as well, and many ask why I bother. One reason is because I told a lot of 
people about this conference before I observed all these actions that have made me question what's 
really happening here. I haven' told my friends tand groups to "walk away" yet, but I 
HAVE told them to "wait and see" what happens within this leadership group and how they handle this 
situation. 

Right now, SophiaWWC looks a lot like the Sieriana movie plot. But THIS story isn't quite over yet, and if 
we choose to, we can come together and write a much happier ending. I hope we will.

Sandra Beck

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--- On Mon, Oct 20, 2008, in msg265383, 
Sharon Mijares wrote ---

I was familiar with the NA story of the two wolves.  It reminded me if of other choices, particularly some 
of the plot in the movie Sieriana.  The story revealed much of the quest for oil and riches behind the big 
oil companies and our government. There were two brothers, princes in a rich Middle Eastern nation.

The one brother was fairly self-centered and the other one was open to new ideas.  He held his 
meetings in a circle, he talked about elevating the position of women as equals.  

The sad thing was that the players behind the scenes chose to have the open-minded brother killed as 
they wanted to other one in power as he could be manipulated.

At the end of the movie there was a scene with all the big oil guys, etc., hosting the ME prince ignoring 
the loss of the other one (perhaps not even aware of what had happened). 

Like the metaphor of the two wolves this also has meaning.  It's amazing how people will ignore history.  
My last book was co-authored with an Egyptian Muslim Sufi woman (anthropologist) and an Israeli Jewish 
woman.  We talked about this theme of ignoring history and how much we need to learn from our 
mistakes of the past.

Most of all we need to understand and discuss what are the true features of the feminine?  How do 
women resolve issues?  

Wishing you all well and looking forward to ongoing discussions.

Warmly,
Sharon

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