WHERE TO TURN NOW
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From: Ann M.
Date: Sunday, November 2, 2008, 10:18 AM
Subject: Where to Turn Now
Reply to: 265608
ID: 265626

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Dear Sophia Women,

I'm sad to say this, but Judy may be right. Unfortunately "they" DON'T seem to "give a damn" what anyone esle thinks or cares about, least of all the wise women around them. Isn't that a big part of what many are feeling frustrated and concerned about?

It would appear the Sophia conference has become a place where a few politically savvy women gain and display power, and recruit perky followers. It does not appear to be about wise women with different ideas acting together for the good of everyone. I don't WANT to say this. But so far it is what a great many of us are saying and seeing.

To say something different about the Sophia group I would need to SEE something different. So would others. We are being asked to say we see something positive here where we don't yet. But, if we say what we REALLY see, we get labeled as being negative or worse. Then we get pushed outside the main circle and into a back room so our comments can't be heard by other women.

But, "they" seem to forget most of us have been around a long time, and we don't get sidetracked that easily. And, we all have friends and coworkers "out there" who are watching this thing play out, and they know we are NOT trying to be difficult or negative. MANY women SEE something important is off here and not improving. The only thing that's changed the past two months that I can see is that now lots of women are being labeled as "bad wolves" not just one or two. Every week more women are leaving with bad feelings and telling others to stay away.

Telling wise women to be quiet, move on, and forget what they see and know does NOT create a positive environment, it creates a POISON environment, and goes against what most believe is right.

I have heard Sharon M, Kathie M, Lorraine C, Lauren O, Sandra B, Judy R, Judi W, Tanya G and others saying the same thing -- we all want something positive to HAPPEN here, and we know we have to talk and listen to each other in order to do that.

If the wisdom of all these women (and a LOT more) isn't wanted or going to be utilized, what are we doing here? What is this all about?

Ann Moore

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--- On Thu, Oct 16, 2008, in msg265312, Ann Moore wrote ---

Dear Sharon,

Thank you for your emails, especially the last ones adding clarification to Karen and Tanya's posts. So many women have left in disgust and disappointment, not even bothering to say good-bye because they feel no one cares or is actually listening anyway. Comments from Bruce only underscore that feeling.

Yet -- many of us are still here, not wanting to leave the dream, AND not wanting to support a process that is not transparent and not in alignment. Thanks to those of you who are speaking about this, and my encouragement to others to please stay connected and consider speaking up. Your silence can be interpreted as endorsement, which I know is not accurate for many.

Your wisdom is needed for Sophia, as you can see. Otherwise the dream is becoming a tribute to power, patriarchy and hierarchy.

Holding hope,

Ann

--- On Sat, Nov 1, 2008, in msg265608, Rhonda Barker wrote ---

Dear Sharon and Tanya,

Thanks for these emails (below) and those last week from Kathie M, Lorraine, Sandra, etc.

What do you suggest we do now?

I;m sad to say this, but I cannot and will not invite ANYONE I respect into this project "as is". But, I've been asked to stay connected in good faith, and I'm trying to do that.

Is there somewhere positive we can go from here that lines up with our values, and takes some wrong turns that've been made and makes them right?

Now what?

Rhonda

PS I have more meetings and gatherings coming up too. All my circles are asking about this, and waiting to see if something shifts in a positive way. None of them want to support a "false Sophia."

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--- On Fri, Oct 31, 2008, in msg265597, Sharon Mijares wrote ---

Dear Tanya and all:

The same thought came to me this morning. I was wondering if we're a select group and our posts go no further than the 21 listed. Remember before this issue came up there was about 119 or more. So our messages (unless someone copies and pastes them on other lists) are not seen by others.

I know I'm sure in favor of following a feminine path of resolution and healing (this will truly empower the venture), whereas any hypocritical behaviors will create a shadow at the core. This is why our voices are so very important. We are also coming from a true heart place with integrity and this can open doors.

Many blessings, Sharon

Dear Sophia Alliance,

I would like ask this question to the larger group, but know my words would be censored if I tried. (I am still surprised to write a sentence like that!)

I am still connected to Sophia by email, but not much else. I have been sad, frustrated, confused, angry, hopeful, unsure. On good days, I am happy to hear some voices of wisdom still coming from this group, and also in emails I have seen offline. But, I have not seen any real ACTIONS of change, which is what so many are watching for to see if this is real and is developing in a way we can support and trust.

My question is, is there ANYTHING happening in the circle, or behind the scenes, that would SHOW there is an interest in creating a Feminine Model and respecting the input of ALL the women in the circle? Do YOU still have an interest in this?

What is happening now?
What needs to happen now?

I am attending a large gathering this Sunday afternoon and this topic will definitely be discussed. I am wondering how to respond when I am asked about Sophia.

Thanks, Tanya

PS My gathering on Sunday is about our power to create unity and change!

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--- On Wed, Oct 29, 2008, in msg265583, Sandra Beck wrote ---

Dear Lorraine,

Thank you for this message and reminder of what we are trying to create. You, Kathie, Sharon, Barb, myself and others clearly want this to work, and we know there is a better way that does not require harming each other in order to succeed.

The community is holding the space for this. Are the five co-leaders willing to be part of this healing and growing process? What is still standing in the way? How can we help?

Sandra Beck

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--- On Mon, Oct 27, 2008, in msg265569, Lorraine Cook wrote ---

In my “day job” I have the great luck to work with a woman who models the most positive and successful leadership style I have ever seen. Here are some of the ways I have seen her create a functional cooperative group doing good work over a long period of time.

When disagreements appear, they are brought out in the open in a safe space— circle principles provide that.

Decisions are made by consensus as much as possible. When a decision is required that impacts the group, the group is given opportunity to give input to that decision and that input is thoughtfully included. Often a much better solution to a problem is possible when more voices are heard. This may slow down the decision-making process, but this slow-down creates so much more in wisdom, trust, and buy-in, that it is well worth the time.

When conflict emerges, each party has a chance to speak. Principles of non-violent or compassionate communication are employed to insure that each person is heard and has an opportunity to state what they feel and what they want. Often just those clear simple statements, when deeply heard, are enough to allow both sides to see that they agree more than they disagree and they can find ways for each person to get their needs met . If the parties involved don’t have the skills to do this kind of conversation, then mediation is brought in to assist.

This is the kind of leadership and process I would like to see in Sophia. In an earlier posting Bruce shared his experience with the Parliament of World Religions. He said:

"The Parliament of World Religions -- a ten-day international conference with 10,000 attendees -- might be roughly comparable to what people want to do in Sophia. But let me just say -- that the CPWR did not develop that conference as a grass-roots network, with wide-open feedback and input from all its participants. Far from it. That conference was entirely controlled and developed behind the scenes in a "strictly hierarchical" way by the CPWR. Yes, they listened to input from participants, and they were influenced by that input -- but they were not controlled by it, and they did not give that input an open internet voice. People played by their rules, or they didn't play."

While it's fine that that kind of organization and input worked for the Parliament of World Religions, it’s a different vision from the one I hold. My dream of women's wisdom rising comes along with a set of ideas about how that happens. For me, the means is as important, maybe MORE important, than the ends. The process of how we work together—all together, all voices honored, nobody damaged, nobody left out--is important because the process is where we live. The process is how we treat each other, the ways we find to deeply respect each other, recognizing that we all have weaknesses and don’t always live up to our ideals, but we are in this together and we keep the channels of communication open. In my vision of Sophia, even our weaknesses become of service because we are whole together--nobody is dispensable because each one brings their unique gifts and perspective.

I am hoping and praying for a peaceful creative resolution to the unfinished business that I see remains in the heart of the Sophia leadership group when one group publicly dissassociated from another. Even if the decision the five make now together is to form a strategic alliance of different efforts organized in different ways, it would give great joy and energy to those who hold this dream to see a true healing break-through among the five. I would like to see each woman honored, nobody's reputation or work undermined, sincere apologies made and forgiveness offered and received for mistakes that have happened, and all the efforts inspired by Sophia wisdom to go forward synergistically.

As part of the surrounding circle, I urge the “founding five” to step up to that kind of leadership. It isn’t easy to let go of damaged feelings and personal preferences to seek common ground, but I know it is possible and there is so much to be gained by creating structures that allow us all to truly support each other. This is the gift I think Sophia can be to the world. This is what the world is aching to learn how to do.

I’d like to just end with words from a song written by a friend of mine:

Life is short and there is not much time to gladden the hearts of those who travel the way with us,

So be swift to love, make haste to be kind.

And gladden the hearts of those who travel the way.

May all beings listen to the deepest calling of the heart.

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