STILL LOOKING FOR A BETTER WAY
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From: Barbara C.
Date: Thursday, February 5, 2009, 5:20 AM
Subject: Still Looking for a Better Way
ID: 266995

Dear All,

It is so disappointing reading the latest emails.

When I read the notes in early January, I felt hopeful. Everyone was optimistic and seemed to believe a positive shift was around the corner. Now here we are again, trying to make sense of decisions that don't look or feel right to us, which seem to be more of the exclusion and politics we experienced last fall.

Since I have been a member of Sophia2010, I have witnessed many things that have caused me pause and concern -- betrayal, attacks, censorship, the demonizing of women who ask questions, unclear legal and business dealings, role assignments that seem based on politics over merit, co-opting of other people's work and ideas, and an unwillingness of the leaders to come to the table for dialog, even when an entire community is pleading for it.

At first we were told one or two women were to "blame" for everything we were seeing, and everything that had ever gone wrong in this project. Not only did this not add up or ring true for me, (nothing is ever one or two people's fault in a group dynamic), but I also realized that neither of these women were involved in, or even present for, most of the negative behaviors in question. The disturbing attitudes and actions appear to be part of the Sophia2010 culture.

Right now there are several Sophia groups playing different roles. Group One is made up of people who "follow the leader." Their role is to endorse and support whatever is happening, no questions asked, and to be the cheering section. Leaders of Group One also write emails and run interference to keep questioners at bay. In return, Group One is included and rewarded. This is the "Us" Group of Sophia 2010.

Group Two also supports the larger womens conference idea, wants to be part of it, and wants to support the leadership team. But Group Two is more independent thinking and not so much the "follower" or cheerleader types. I see this group as the "checks and balances" trying to make sure ethical and professional standards are followed. Group Two has been trying to understand what's broken here and help mend it. This group wants and expects more openness, inclusiveness and genuineness before they give their full blessing and energy to the project. Unfortunately, instead of being respected, Group Two has become the "Them'" or the outsiders of Sophia2010. "They" are the women who were excluded from the emails, invitations and planning process for CSW. My guess is those who ask questions (or god forbid, disagree) are not really wanted on calls or in meetings.

Group Three is by far the largest. They are the hundreds or thousands of bystanders watching all this from a distance.

I have been part of all three groups. At first I was a bystander watching with enthusiasm but also confusion. Then I was in Group One, full of excitement and supporting the original five founders without asking questions. When the abrupt division happened last fall, and in such an unkind, unprofessional and public way, I was jolted awake along with many others. I stopped being a bystander and a blind follower and started asking questions. I tried to support healing efforts and a win-win approach to resolution. When the remaining three leaders did not respond (except to justify their actions by more discrediting of the other women) I felt frustrated and offended. And, when our calls for peace and forgiveness were labeled as fighting and negativity, (the bad wolves) and more women were demonized, I knew the Sophia project had lost it's way. This is when many women and groups began leaving in disgust and despair. And that is when I went back to being a bystander.

I had hoped ALL the groups would take time to reflect over the holidays and find the Sophia spirit. I thought we we would celebrate the miracle in Washington by following the Obama leadership model, which is to include and utilize everyone and their talents -- even those who openly disagree with us and may have even been rivals in the past. THAT is a sophia model I can admire. Instead, it seems we are seeing more "us and them", "my way is the only way" Bush-regime attitudes. This is serious and sad. And it looks and feels nothing like Sacredness or Sophia. It just looks like ambition.

There was a lot of harm and injury done last year that, and to my knowledge, it has still never been resolved with integrity. Pretending nothing happened and moving on is not the same thing as healing and certainly it is not taking responsibility. All this means is the root sickness is still there, and healthy fruit cannot come from a sick or unhealthy root system. It will just keep producing "bad fruit" and bad feelings, like it is doing now, until it is genuinely healed from the inside-out.

Someone wrote about "actions speaking so loud I cannot hear your words." That is true. What good is it if we do a big event if it is built on hypocrisy and hurting rather than healing? How can Sophia 2010 go out and preach to others the importance of including and valuing ALL women, if we ourselves engage in excluding and devaluing women, even a single woman, especially here in our own circle??? This action is never justified -- no matter who is doing it.

I am still looking and hoping for a better way. I just don't know if it is possible here. There has to be a will in order to find a better way. Barb Carson