BECOMING THE PEACE WE WANT TO SEE HAPPEN
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From: Ann S.
Date: Wednesday, September 3, 2008, 8:06 AM
Subject: Becoming the Peace We Want To See Happen
ID: 264099

Dear Sophias,

God/Goddess grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

The Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr

I enter this conversation by first finding my own inner-peace so that I can be fully with you in a state of peace. Last week in our joint statement, we detached from Kimberly because we needed to get out of the storming and to become a peaceful circle so that we can become the change we want to see happen in Sophia WWC. We also did it for ourselves so that we no longer stayed in or enabled an unhealthy relationship. For us it was an act of courage knowing we would receive lots of criticism and anger. If you had walked in our shoes….

Last summer when I experienced my first outburst of anger by Kimberly towards me, I was shocked and stunned and did not understand what I had done wrong. I confronted her directly and asked her to use non-violent communications. This has not happened.

When we formed Sophia WWC everyone I believe experienced the storming, and eighteen months later the storming still exists. We had “norming” using Millionth Circle Principles and all of you can decide for yourselves if you have lived into them.

For eighteen months as the leadership circle of Sophia WWC, we have struggled without success in co- creating a healthy and functional team. I hope you hear that we have tried and tried to make it work. It has been the most painful and frustrating experience, one that I have wanted to leave but stayed in it to help bring about healthy dynamics that I know is possible.

At the last UNCSW meeting in New York, we held a Sophia Circle for us right before the CSW meeting. We reviewed our Circle Principles and added a new one. It was Ok to disagree, it was not Ok to undermine one another, meaning it was not Ok to talk behind one another’s back, or to aid someone who is doing this. This principle has been broken over and over. All five of us several weeks ago reviewed Circle Principles that includes using non-violent communications and agreed to uphold them. We stated that if anyone breeched that agreement they opted themselves out of the circle. Recently we have had two leadership conference calls that became too violent to continue. We could not go on. This was not a reaction but a mindful response to the promise of carrying out our agreement. We had to act in order to live into the promise of becoming the change we wanted to see happen at Sophia 2010.

I am open to your questions and concerns if you want to email me or set a date for a phone conversation. ann@circleconnections.com

I pray we return LightPages to a discussion and information about our dream for Sophia 2010. I feel hopeful that we will carry forth Circle Principles (Sophia Agreements) or what ever we call them, on the Journey to Bulgaria and Beyond. We want to work with all interested in refining our circle principles so that they become agreements that will guide us all. We will seek help from our International Advisors so that they reflect global perspective and can be used in all settings. We will expand the leadership circle. We will continue to use circle experts such as Christina Baldwin and seek resources and resource help from our sisters in Costa Rica who are leading the way in providing non- violent communication training.

I/we want to go hand in hand with all who want to journey together in co-creating a new way of being with one another, a kinder and gentler way, with respect, listening without judgment and non- violent (win/win) communications.

Namaste!!!

Ann Smith