SOMETHING PULLS
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From: Kenneth R.
Date: Wednesday, October 1, 2008, 12:45 AM
Subject: something pulls
Reply to: 264892
ID: 264908

Dear Constance,

As always, your thoughts touch me deeply.

I have been going through a painful detoxification process, basically, for the past 47 years (since age 10), but particularly in the past year, since the death of my beloved dog Reggie. I loved her so dearly that her passing has triggered an avalanche from a very deep spot of turmoil from my past.

I am currently uncovering several layers of feelings and perceptions:

- not loving any person at all, nor of being able to love any person - not loving myself, nor feeling competent or motivated to achieve or exert personal power - feeling empty and lonely, without prospects of meaningful connections to the world

I hope and believe that there can really be no such thing as mental/spiritual "damage", in the sense of irreparable destruction of structure/function. I hope and believe that mental/spiritual "injury" is more similar to the presence of a set of toxins that are suppressing and impairing the expression of the more positive aspects of ourselves.

My meditations are frequently interrupted by mental overactivity, and I believe that this is a result of toxins interfering with my connection to God/TrueSelf. I have discovered methods of detoxifying and replacing the bad with the good, the old with the new. My frequent crying is not just cathartic but healing; my love for my dogs convinces me that I have the capacity to give love, although perhaps not now to a human being. I need to remember that the cruelty, narcissism, and indifference of the human beings that surrounded me as I grew up do not characterize everyone, and these negative qualities might even disappear (or diminish substantially) from the world some day. Negativity can dissipate simultaneously from me and from the world -- maybe that's how things work.

Our group effort to reach out and touch one another is very much a part of this healing process.

Love, Kenneth

--- On Tue, Sep 30, 2008, in msg264892, Constance Hall-Orman wrote ---

Greetings to All Love Radiance Members, to the world at large, to the whole, and Its Presence.

I hope that this email/post finds you well, in position for y/our next move.

I've been processing through my knowing and my experiencing, and frankly I'm numb for it. Feeling empty with nothing to share (but I'm here;-). If I share my experience, it just becomes another email/post about me ... blah, blah, blah.

I'm tired of the "me" experience.

Want to work outwardly with the group energy that flows through here, without making things and events happen, but just allowing "happenings' to unfold, and this is very hard indeed. It has become the norm to fill the void, the empty vessel with more stuff ... more of what is apparently missing, when indeed there is nothing missing at all.

What is perceived missing essentially?

Presence.

Presence of what?

Godlikeness in Self.

Yes, I think this is so.

Thinking this is so, and making this so within Self, and allowing the Transfiguration as a whole, is another matter all together, and what of the matter of discussing this with other likeminded people.

Hence the feeling of loneliness on the path one takes to the returning.

We are constantly told that it's a mere impossibility (a self lead doubt) to be the likeness of God in form on earth. This is not yet within our reach, because only masters, intuits, illuminati are the only ones close to reaching this state.

We ask ... where are they, as they walk amongst us? Is this not me, not you, not we, the whole of all.

I suppose we are all waiting for a birth ... the birth that takes place literally in you.

I can control the birth in me, but I can't ensure the birth in you ... for each of us is in control of when (not if) this happens.

Does this happening, the unfolding of this birth, just happen;-)? We know differently don't we, what is involved, the pain and suffering that leads us through the water cleansing and the fire purification. Does this unfold slowly over 'time and space lifetimes' in animal/human/divine form on earth?

What more can you know of me ... than what is essential ... the Becoming!

Rest assured in your silence and peace ... and as a group ... let's bring further knowledge, love, wisdom, expression and experience to the whole.

The birth of a few in one group is new ... the group as a whole birthed in the New sets the stage for what we are waiting for ... A New World!

LOVE!

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