SOMETHING PULLS
Print format

From: Kenneth R.
Date: Wednesday, October 1, 2008, 8:36 AM
Subject: something pulls
Reply to: 264911
ID: 264915

Hi Ram and All,

I first discovered a method of self-healing when I was working as a psychiatrist in the US. I noticed that I had an "urge" to argue with certain patients that were pushing my buttons. So instead of arguing, I kept quiet and allowed them to keep talking without interruption. I started to notice what it was inside of me which was injured and which impelled me to respond verbally. Now that I was not responding verbally, I began to experience an emotional discharge while the patients were shedding light on my hot buttons. After a while, the buttons simply attenuated.

Nowadays, as I don't work any longer as a psychiatrist, I go to a 12-step group and make sure that I listen to those that are sharing. I try to listen not just to the sharers but to my own internal responses to them, along the same lines as I used to do with my patients.

Even more importantly, because of my loving relationship with my dogs, past and present, I frequently think of my departed dogs and cry. I also read pet memorials on Internet sites, and I am able to cry in response to what is written. I note especially that what often brings tears is the thought (mentioned frequently in these memorials) that the owner will one day meet again with his/her beloved pet, in the afterlife.

I believe that my tears are not just mourning for my departed dogs. The tears seem to heal a deeper injury resulting from growing up in a loveless household. The experience of lovelessness probably separated me from God/Self, and so the idea of rejoining a loved one in the afterlife is a healing reaffirmation that the separation can be mended, or is being mended; thus the tears and the joyful relief.

My chronic separation has indeed led to a severe addiction, though not to chemicals; I am referring to my addiction to rumination about material achievement and my lack thereof. My family was addicted to prestige. Of course, I could have been at risk of becoming addicted to anti-depressant and anti-anxiety drugs, but one of my ways of healing and detoxifying was to refuse to take any drugs, on an ongoing basis. This has been painful, but I am convinced that taking drugs, even psychiatric ones, interferes with the healing process. I believed that this was true even while I was practicing psychiatry, and the fact that the staff were always pressuring me to push drugs was one of the factors that led me to leave the field.

--- On Wed, Oct 1, 2008, in msg264911, Ram Varma wrote ---

Hi Kenneth, et all,

Thanks for sharing your personal life story. My prayers and healing vibrations are with you. You may have noticed that in my yesterday's post, I submitted the over-riding importance of problem acknowledgement on a personal level and taking responsibilty (to detoxify). I see this as 50% of the solution to the problem. I am encouraged to know from your sharing that you have been able to do so. Would be very helpful if you could please share further more how you went about it and what you did to get this 50% factor under your belt. As it is s difficult for many people to take this first step of the personal rescue plan. To get the remaining 50% edge, looks like it is an ongoing personal initiative to keep at the detoxification process. Incidentally what kind of programs/actvities you are doing to keep yourself free from that kind of stuff which overtakes the subject person's consciousness. Then the whole effort is to get back at the original consciousness. The most difficult step being the self- recognition of the toxic problem and how badly it hurts the life. I see addiction as a wide-spread problem. And am quite interested to know its practical answers ;starting from scratch as the first positive step. It is so painful to see addiction hurting some of the dear ones here and there. And being not fully able to help them quite constructively.

Any thoughts/suggestions to practically address such a serious situation? Moreso, taking the first couple of steps as stated above.

Love and Best Wishes........Ram

--- On Wed, Oct 1, 2008, in msg264908, Kenneth Ruby wrote ---

Dear Constance,

As always, your thoughts touch me deeply.

I have been going through a painful detoxification process, basically, for the past 47 years (since age 10), but particularly in the past year, since the death of my beloved dog Reggie. I loved her so dearly that her passing has triggered an avalanche from a very deep spot of turmoil from my past.

I am currently uncovering several layers of feelings and perceptions:

- not loving any person at all, nor of being able to love any person - not loving myself, nor feeling competent or motivated to achieve or exert personal power - feeling empty and lonely, without prospects of meaningful connections to the world

I hope and believe that there can really be no such thing as mental/spiritual "damage", in the sense of irreparable destruction of structure/function. I hope and believe that mental/spiritual "injury" is more similar to the presence of a set of toxins that are suppressing and impairing the expression of the more positive aspects of ourselves.

My meditations are frequently interrupted by mental overactivity, and I believe that this is a result of toxins interfering with my connection to God/TrueSelf. I have discovered methods of detoxifying and replacing the bad with the good, the old with the new. My frequent crying is not just cathartic but healing; my love for my dogs convinces me that I have the capacity to give love, although perhaps not now to a human being. I need to remember that the cruelty, narcissism, and indifference of the human beings that surrounded me as I grew up do not characterize everyone, and these negative qualities might even disappear (or diminish substantially) from the world some day. Negativity can dissipate simultaneously from me and from the world -- maybe that's how things work.

Our group effort to reach out and touch one another is very much a part of this healing process.

Love, Kenneth

--- On Tue, Sep 30, 2008, in msg264892, Constance Hall-Orman wrote ---

Greetings to All Love Radiance Members, to the world at large, to the whole, and Its Presence.

I hope that this email/post finds you well, in position for y/our next move.

I've been processing through my knowing and my experiencing, and frankly I'm numb for it. Feeling empty with nothing to share (but I'm here;-). If I share my experience, it just becomes another email/post about me ... blah, blah, blah.

I'm tired of the "me" experience.

Want to work outwardly with the group energy that flows through here, without making things and events happen, but just allowing "happenings' to unfold, and this is very hard indeed. It has become the norm to fill the void, the empty vessel with more stuff ... more of what is apparently missing, when indeed there is nothing missing at all.

What is perceived missing essentially?

Presence.

Presence of what?

Godlikeness in Self.

Yes, I think this is so.

Thinking this is so, and making this so within Self, and allowing the Transfiguration as a whole, is another matter all together, and what of the matter of discussing this with other likeminded people.

Hence the feeling of loneliness on the path one takes to the returning.

We are constantly told that it's a mere impossibility (a self lead doubt) to be the likeness of God in form on earth. This is not yet within our reach, because only masters, intuits, illuminati are the only ones close to reaching this state.

We ask ... where are they, as they walk amongst us? Is this not me, not you, not we, the whole of all.

I suppose we are all waiting for a birth ... the birth that takes place literally in you.

I can control the birth in me, but I can't ensure the birth in you ... for each of us is in control of when (not if) this happens.

Does this happening, the unfolding of this birth, just happen;-)? We know differently don't we, what is involved, the pain and suffering that leads us through the water cleansing and the fire purification. Does this unfold slowly over 'time and space lifetimes' in animal/human/divine form on earth?

What more can you know of me ... than what is essential ... the Becoming!

Rest assured in your silence and peace ... and as a group ... let's bring further knowledge, love, wisdom, expression and experience to the whole.

The birth of a few in one group is new ... the group as a whole birthed in the New sets the stage for what we are waiting for ... A New World!

LOVE!

---

---

---